The Phone Cops
By Hsing Lee, 2003-08-25

Some of you are old enough to remember to remember that old sit-com WKRP in Cincinnati. I remember one episode where the aging hippie DJ, Dr. Johnny Fever, was running from the Phone Cops. It was a paranoid delusion, of course. There were no Phone Cops. But Fever was convinced that the government was getting so fascist that Ma Bell had her own police force, and they were coming to get him, guns blazing.

Paranoid delusion, right?

Phone cops? Bah.



  (a) In General. — Section 6 of the Inspector General Act of 
1978 (5 U.S.C. App.) is amended by adding at the end the following: 

  (e)(1) In addition to the authority otherwise provided by 
this Act, each Inspector General appointed under section 3, 
any Assistant Inspector General for Investigations under such 
an Inspector General, and any special agent supervised by 
such an Assistant Inspector General may be authorized by the 
Attorney General to — 

  (A) carry a firearm while engaged in official duties as 
authorized under this Act or other statute, or as expressly 
authorized by the Attorney General; 

  (B) make an arrest without a warrant while engaged in 
official duties as authorized under this Act or other 
statute, or as expressly authorized by the Attorney General, 
for any offense against the United States committed in the 
presence of such Inspector General, Assistant Inspector 
General, or agent, or for any felony cognizable under the 
laws of the United States if such Inspector General, 
Assistant Inspector General, or agent has reasonable grounds 
to believe that the person to be arrested has committed or is 
committing such felony; and 

  (C) seek and execute warrants for arrest, search of a 
premises, or seizure of evidence issued under the authority 
of the United States upon probable cause to believe that a 
violation has been committed. 

  (2) The Attorney General may authorize exercise of the 
powers under this subsection only upon an initial determination that —

  (A) the affected Office of Inspector General is 
significantly hampered in the performance of responsibilities 
established by this Act as a result of the lack of such powers; 

  (B) available assistance from other law enforcement 
agencies is insufficient to meet the need for such powers; and 

  (C) adequate internal safeguards and management 
procedures exist to ensure proper exercise of such powers.

Note the qualifications for arming agents of the 57 Inspector Generals Offices. How convenient for A that the new definition of terrorism is so broad that the government can justify going after just about anybody on the grounds that they?re connected in some way to terrorism.

How convenient for B that the more work Homeland Security shunts over to other agencies, the less likely those agencies are to have sufficient resources. How convenient that Homeland Security itself doesn't do any actual investigation, and only directs where the workloads are going.

How convenient that C is meaningless dribble.

They could argue that the qualifications existed from day one.

Until this change to the Inspector General Act of 1978 only Treasury Inspectors General of the Tax Administration division could carry firearms. (See the I.G.A.,

With the stroke of a pen, Congress just authorized the creation of an army of armed petty bureaucrats, each with his or her own private army of pettier bureaucrats.

Everybody knows what I mean when I say, "go postal".

We know it means a post office employee picking up a weapon and going on a mindless rampage.

And George W. Bush just gave the Post Office, and 56 other Inspector General Offices, the right to carry guns.

You don't just have the Mail Cops and the Phone Cops. Now you've got the Amtrak Cops, and the Futures Trading Cops too. The Pension Benefit Cops. The Tennessee Valley Authority Cops (yeah, this one gives me the willies too). The Transportation Cops. The PBS Cops, to ensure fair and balanced reporting. In the name of Homeland security, of course.

The Environment Cops. The Farm Credit Cops. The Election Cops, and the Labor Relations Cops to bust them unions. The Health and Human Services Cops to enforce those forced vaccinations on behalf of Wyeth Corporation. The NASA Cops, to teach those UFO conspiracy nuts a lesson. The Veterans Affairs Cops, to silence those dang peace-loving, fascist-hating Veterans.

I am not making this up. See for yourself to whom Bush is giving guns and arrest authority:

Now for the punch line.

Did you catch that there's an Office of the Inspector General of the Central Intelligence Agency?

The CIA is now more or less empowered to carry guns and operate domestically through the Inspector General's Office of the CIA, thanks to this change to the Inspector General Act of 1978, which was buried in the Homeland Security Act of 2002.

They don't make any specific exclusions relating to CIA, so one has to assume that Bush just empowered them to act, the same as the others. Except the CIA's not supposed to operate domestically, right? Because they're not supposed to influence the American people, right? Because they have no charter to operate domestically, right?

Piece by piece, brick by brick, these people are dismantling the checks and balances, the separation of powers, and the Republic itself. They are disempowering the foundations upon which the nation was built, and using the instruments of legality toward the illegal aim of disempowering the Constitution of the United States of America. The instruments of legality have themselves become the instruments of illegality. They crossed that line when they disempowered the Constitution of the United States of America on October 26, 2001.

And with the Homeland Security Act, they've crossed the Rubicon, and openly declared a Police State.

Absurd, isn't it?

And yet there it is, law of the land. All those powers in the hands of Tom Ridge, and John Ashcroft. Fifty-seven armies for the executive branch, answerable to it and not to Congress.

They were really sneaky with this one. The implications of it just dawned on me today, and I'd read the act several times before re-reading it today.

Very soon, the Phone Cops really could be out to get ya!

And what, pray tell, does any of this do in terms of securing the Homeland? Absolutely nothing, if medical experts are to be believed. According to the people in charge of terrorism preparedness, two years and hundreds of billions in corporate welfare later, they haven't even been given a definition of what preparedness means.

Want to bet they spend a million buying a report from someone like RAND Corp, to get a definition of the word preparedness?  See (registration required).

When the World Trade Center was attacked, Dr. Redlener immediately sent vans from the Children's Health Fund to the triage center that was set up on Manhattan's West Side. That sudden experience of the intersection of medicine and terror led to an entirely new mission.

Dr. Redlener is now one of the key individuals working on the urgent task of developing strategies to care for the sick and wounded in the event of another terrorist attack. He's the founding director of the new National Center for Disaster Preparedness at Columbia University's Mailman School of Public Health.

At the moment our state of readiness is not good.

"My biggest concern," said Dr. Redlener, "is that now, nearly two years after 9/11, the hospitals and public health systems are absolutely unprepared for another major act of terrorism. There's been very little improvement from two years ago. No one's really even defined what we mean by preparedness?"

It's like a nightmare, isn't it? Revenge of the Petty Bureaucrats.

The structure of the Office of Homeland Security is virtually identical to the US State Department's description of the structure of the Gestapo, which you can read in the Nuremburg Trials Volume I and II. It's an enforcement arm of the Executive branch of government, tipping the scales against Congress and the Judicial Branch, who have no standing army of their own.

Homeland Security now accounts for one in every twelve federal employees:

8% of the government removed from Judicial and Congressional oversight, given guns, and put in the direct control of the Executive branch.

Willkommen zum Land der Aufseher.

Isn't it interesting how this multi-compartmentalized intelligence structure resembles the description of Saddam Hussein's own multi-compartmentalized intelligence and security services?

What, are they worried about a coup or something?

And just think. Your representative probably voted for this shit.

You can check how they voted here, and if they voted for the Patriot Act or Office of Homeland Security, kick 'em out in 2004.

Better yet, call up their aides and ask if your representative voted for Homeland Security, and if they did, ask them if they're aware that they voted for Phone Cops, and for the CIA to operate domestically in the USA, by citing Section 812 of the Homeland Security Act of 2002.

Then ask them what they intend to do about it, now that they've been made aware.

Time to get mad.

Mad is good. Mad keeps you focused when hope seems slim. Mad will kick Bush out of the White House in 2004. Mad will change the world, when enough of us get mad enough to get off our asses.

I better sign off now.

I hear the Internet Cops coming.



Liberty and Democracy Serendipity Home Page